I have just this past weekend, gotten back on track with my walk with Christ. It has been great so far, but I have a long, long road ahead of me. My journey has actually begun finally and I am happy that I have a major burden taken off my back. My sin and temptations had been weighing me down and I'm so glad that the chains were taken off. (Literally, I felt them come off!) Jesus can do great things.
For a while, actually a long time, I have been tempted and tried. Breaking free was what I had planned on doing so many times. Every time I considered that option, I failed. Before I go to bed each night, I usually pray. (Sometimes I forget though.) I would ask Jesus to forgive me of my sins. Every night, I would ask him to forgive me, yet everyday, I would continue with the sin. I felt that Jesus was hurting so much, and then some days I felt I would not go to heaven. I thought God wouldn't accept me anymore for doing such a rebellious act. The most worst feeling I eventually came down to was that God did not love me anymore.
Truth be told, the devil had grabbed me, and had taken a hold of me, and for the longest time, I was letting him drag me around. On most Wednesday nights, during youth group, Pastor Walls would hit every point in my life that I needed to get a hold of and straighten with the love and kindness of my Father, Jesus. He would talk about getting rid of that last part that was still there inside that needed to be forgotten about because Jesus would forgive. I would always say to myself that I would eventually stop, but that was always the devil saying,"You will never stop, it's not that bad." My sin didn't feel that bad at all, until one day while I was in the midst of the devil's rays, I felt weak and that I could not continue doing this retched act.
It was the next day, after I felt that weak spirit set inside me, that I was at church on Sunday and Pastor Mark for once preached on something I could understand. He hit me with his words. Those words God placed inside of his message to let me hear and take into consideration. He said that whatever you have done wrong, whatever your current state, God will still love you. I asked for forgiveness from the father and quit doing my act that had caused false hurts against my will. I prayed to God, with tears in my eyes, sitting with my head in my hands at church, "God, you were always there for me, following me, ready to take me in your arms and restore me from such devious deeds. You loved me."
It's such an awesome feeling to know that God had forgiven me and he still loved me after everything I had just done. Right now, I am currently reading my Bible daily and thanking God for his constant care. Oh, how I love him!
Now, after you had read the first paragraph of this post, you were most likely thinking I was stupid because if I am a Christian, then why am I not caring for the people effected by the storm, right? Well, here's why: I was thinking of the hurricane this morning, and I was thinking to myself, God does everything for a reason. He is the one who had created the heavens and the earth and he is the one who had created this hurricane Sandy. My thoughts were that he was killing people and bringing those who were followers, to heaven. But that didn't seem accurate. Then it had hit me! God is pouring his love all over those people. I think God was telling me this, that he doesn't just create storms for grief and fear, but for all of his love and power to spread unto everyone, including the lost and those who already are one of his. Why worry, when we have his humble grace? Why worry when we have him? Why worry when he is reaching out and sharing his love?
Just like me , when I was surrounded my my storm of sin, he was there for me, spreading his arms out wide and capturing me in his love.It's just like a hurricane, capturing everything it can under water. He is there wanting to love, not to send fear or grief. I thought of this song as it fit perfect in the moment:
Oh and just to let all of you know, prayer can change a life, and God can help you through the storm.
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