Text Interview

Ah yes! This is certainty the best time to give my audience a look inside my writing. Below I have posted questions that will be admired with truthful answers about my writing habits. Enjoy!

1. Where do you get your inspiration from to write?
Inspiration. Let me see. Well, to be honest, I have loved to write for quite a while now. I do admire Shakespeare a lot! I believe his work has granted this world a keen sense of literature in which it should be grasped upon!

Although Shakespeare is an inspiration, I would have to say that the number one thing that gets me to write is  depression. Sad to say, but true. When I am feeling really lonely or just have no hope, my pencil takes me on a journey with my hand and my brain to a far away place. I get my ideas from everyday surroundings like other writers do and it just makes me alive again. There is hope!

2. What is your favorite genre and medium used in writing?
I have recently written a black comedy. It is a short story. It really depends on the genre. I am not too sure about that one! But, my favorite medium to write in is short story. I love to write a quick ten or so page book  in just a day and have it typed out the next. Seeing it completely typed out is wonderful!

3. Your audience has claimed your writing to be 'confusing.' What do you say about that? 
When I give a reader a copy of a draft I have recently written, I do not mind what their opinion is. Obviously, it can help me improve. But when the person gives it back and says, "I liked it a lot, but it was confusing," I just laugh! Giving my audience something that gives them not a second to think because the story is addicting is what really makes me proud. Sometimes, they have this fearful look on their face as they are trying to figure out that all I did was write a huge scribble mess on the page. It amuses me. The truth on this part is that I write in depth. A person would have to keep on drilling an endless hole through cement to figure my archaic language out. There is a message waiting to be delivered but the reader will have it stuck in their head for a while until they figure it out. When they do, I usually have one tell me that they get it. A year later they will finally understand and that is what makes me so proud of the way I write!

4. What mediums have you written in so far? 
That is easy! Short stories and I have one novel nearly finished!

5. Notebook and then word document. Why? 
I am at school or on the go most of the time when I write. Every time I catch an idea, I am able to jot it down with a trusty pencil right away.

I love to write in the notebook before I type anything out so I can visually experience a non-rushing moment. It is easier to see first of all with the lines and to catch any mistakes and change things easier without getting too dizzy!

6. Do you have any advice for other beginning writers out there? 
I am so glad this question was asked. Yes. I have some advice for you! This really gets me and a lot of other people out there too (not only writers.) When someone asks for ideas because they are stuck on where to go with their story next, they will go on Ask.com and people with diligently give them more ideas. They say they want to get their so called 'story' published. Are you kidding me? This gets on my nerves.

If you want to get ideas for writing the next part of your story, it is obvious you do not know what a plot is. Anyway, you cannot get that published. Unless you acknowledge all the people that give you the answer to the ending of your book, you will never make it anywhere. Sorry to say, but true.

Here is my advice to you, you may not have "writers block," but you may need to just get away for a while. Recollect your ideas and then you will sit fresh with beginning the ending of your thoughts. It is that easy and you do not have to worry about citing people for their own work.

Addition to the Last Post

I walked a long, lonesome road in my life. I've also learned to live through the most painful parts too. I wanted to take the time to continue this post from the other one, "Walking the line." A road is often like a line. Sometimes, it is endless.

Because the last post was getting really long, I decided I would share just a few more brief moments.

I learned my lesson throughout life. Learned. What a great term! Everyone has their faults. Everyone does. We should all admit that. It is not that hard, and actually, we should not lie or try to hide them either. If we learn to tell the truth, maybe we could feel a little bit better about ourselves.

While learning to overcome some of the steepest of mountains, I had to encounter much of guidance. Even when I did not want any because I thought I could do everything myself, it has made me a stronger person. You do not need to work with your own person to overcome barriers all the time. Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to have someone make you a bit stronger.

Although others may be able to help you with regaining your strength, you must remember to complete your part too. You cannot leave the other person to take care of issues of yourself for you. In this, I am saying that not only as advice, but for my own person. I have needed to remind myself multiple times to put in my share as well. Jesus has guided me through this all. He has said before that he will guide you through mistakes. Yes, guide you. He not only takes away your sins and forgives, but He will guide you with open arms when you are open to Him.

Alright, back to my "testimony," I just wanted to say this, I always had this saying in my head. "Jesus loves me no matter what political party I am." It gave me more confidence and reminded me that I was okay living in the other direction. Truth is, he loves me no matter what. Period. But some of my views, He does not like. I had to realize that He gave me life. He chose me and yes, He knows I will fall. But we are made to change. He gives us a million second chances. Although He loves, he wants us to make the right choices too.

Yesterday, when I was realizing things, and changing, God had directed me to a couple different segments of scripture. I shared one with you on the previous post.

"All his days he eats in darkness, with great frustration, affliction, and anger." Ecclesiastes five: seventeen. I believe that God was introducing me with this verse. I believe it was the first verse he showed me.Then, I turned the page and read Ecclesiastes ten:two. I then flipped the page back to Ecclesiastes eight :one, "...Wisdom brightens a man's face and changes its hard appearance." This verse took me back to thinking about the the heart of the right. They are wise. Then, I was off to the last two scripture verses shown to me: "If a ruler's anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great errors to rest." Ecclesiastes ten: four. I found that in this fine verse, as I was mad and angry, I would speak of such horrible things. I would lay disrespect before my elder's feet with my own opinion. "At the beginning, [the fool's] words are folly; at the end, they are wicked madness-" Ecclesiastes ten: thirteen. I was assured that my sins were forgiven after I read each verse in the order presented unto me. I was taught very important lessons and I was sure I have learned a great deal from each.

I want to say one last thing before I end this post. I am thankful for God. He is always there for me. No matter my sins, He is always there to pick me up off the ground. Always there to chase me down that road. He cares so much. Thank you God, for loving me.


 

Walking the Line

Silence. It occurs to me. A moment taken in which I must say nothing but sadness fills my mind. My mother tells me I do not live a bad life. Obviously, I know that. I know my life is not that bad as other girls out there. Other people. The only thing I can think of in the moment while sadness has me a drift, is pain. My heart has been hurt. Not for relational properties though. I have been hurt in a degree that is only minor, yet my whole world has crashed because of it.

I walk a tightrope. Silently. A tightrope. The line is very tricky to grasp my feet upon. And to get a steady hold of myself is nothing but a nightmare. Yes. This is life for me this very moment. Right now.

I stand alone. While other people around me do nothing, I stand there. At the rope's edge, I am ready to fall. That mean, old, nasty devil, has gotten me wrapped around his little finger. On the left side of life. He encourages me to keep going but then laughs at me when I stumble. Gosh, "Get away from me," I scream But nothing gives me the strength to fight back, and I think I like the way I am. 

My name is Kaitlyn. A woman. Not a little girl anymore. This is my story. 

Some of my friends do know that I have been struggling. Not only with life, but with a lot of things. I must say it has been hard. Really hard. I fell away from God for three years or so. When I received Him back into my heart again, I was as happy as night and day. I want to say that I have been in His arms for a year and a half or so, if I do remember. It was great. Lovely in fact. Joy was about my face like never before. Now, everything has changed. 

I am going to be extremely truthful in this next paragraph or so. I walked away again, I do believe it was when I chose to finally be free and be myself. Apparently, now as I figure things out, it was too early to be released. I found out about the 'world' and about 'life' at a very young age. Now, all I do is like to be cooped up at home. I do not like going out, I do not like seeing people. It is very challenging for me. Everything annoys me. Everything. 

I chose to be someone of my own kind. Not like the rest. My parents, well, truth be told are not like me in any matter. Our views are completely different. I am a radical. I am a liberal. I am a lefty. I am a democrat. That should all explain our differences. They are totally not like me in any way, shape, or form, but I think you get that. 

My world just started to fall apart and crumble even more just yesterday. I am a total wreck as I say to myself. I will never be free again. I will never be found. I will never survive because of burdens left of the past. My memories are gone. Well most of them anyway. I only remember the worst of them, or even so, an hour ago is about it. Nothing happy do I wish to be reminded of. In fact, I do say that I remember nothing at all. I tell my self that my past is a secret, and bam, everything and it ever so fine detail disappears. That is the truth I do say to you. 

Yesterday. Yesterday was the day I think I asked God the most for the random and smallest acts of life to work out. The non-important things I would say. They all did. A little bit of prayer can do such great things. It was the day I told myself that I would read the Bible before I did anything. Only did I put it off toward the end of nightfall before I fell to sleep. And when I opened it to a random scripture reading, I was directed to this: "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of fool to the left." Ecclesiastes ten:two. I realized from the moment I chose to be of one self that the left was of such stupidity. Back in the day, people would get punished for being left handed. Another everyday matter to be reckoned with is that people shake with their right hands, not their left. No wonder the left side is to be condemned. They are of such sinful nature. I realized that in this verse. But the most important realization is that Jesus will be sitting at the right hand of the father. The right hand. The right side. 

Walking that tightrope, I thought I was standing strong in the middle. One of those everyday church goers who goes on Sundays, claiming they know God and then going home to being a different, non-Christ like person. I realized that I was on left side. The left side is sin.Walking that line, the devil was waiting, waiting to catch me on his side. Not knowing and wanting to be myself, I thought it felt good to be with the devil. But soon his temptations were no longer pleasing to me.I got really mad at every little thing. I am just really happy that there is a loving God out there ready to catch you on his side of the line. He is the one always going to be there and catch you. And to believe that for the longest time, I was okay with living in the worst way possible. Now, I know what side I want to be on.  I do reckon to realize that now. If anything, I have a lot of work to catch up on. I need to be over that line. I need to start walking on the right. 

Thanks for Just Being There

I know that in December of two thousand twelve I wrote a post about love. It was titled "What is Love?" I do believe. In that post, I wrote about how my feelings and thoughts to that term were of corruption. I do still believe that is what love means, I do, but for special reasons and for 'certain someones,' I must say I have changed my mind a tad bit.

Throughout the course of three or so years, I have had relationships that have hurt me. They have cut me apart, torn me into shreds. I did get depressed for a while because of the break-up but not for long. I would soon forget. (My current state of madness is not because of any relation.)

I am trying to tell you people that love is something ever-so generous. The kind touch of freedom I feel is something worth such credible nature. I love it. I absolutely do. But right now, that kind touch of freedom has nothing but to tell me I cannot be in love. You do see reader, that I am in love at my current stature. I know that it will never work out because the lust I draw from has been in a martial condition for quite some time. It is wrong for my kind of loving. It is ever-so wrong.

Although they are in that condition, I have made plans about myself to capture a clear feeling of love from this man. I must sit back and hold it all in. Let my thoughts consume me. My ever-so sinful thoughts. It is wrong and I do understand, I do know it. Why must I hurt myself more and more trying to love which I cannot? In this, I do not understand.

If you are reading this, let me tell you, I am a darkened creature, not one of many likes. You make me pleased and happy under that frown so blue. You probably think I am such of stupidity. I do realize I am. I am sorry. (That is the first time I have ever said that term in a long, long time.) But let me tell you one last thing, even though I will never be able to have you, you will proceed to give me an attitude of enjoyment, happiness, and peace throughout the rest of my life.

The tears I have shed were plentiful as wrote this. I had to share a moment with you about this love and life thing I had going for me, and still as I finish this post about the craziest sin ever, the worst punishment yet to come, I do realize that if I can never have you, I will not get mad, I will just realize you were the bit of life that gave me a real chance to seek comfort and  everlasting care. Thanks for just being there.

Fashion Inspired

Most every little girl has once been interested in fashion. I was. I bet you were! Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that, some do move on. That interest is no longer there. That is exactly how I was. But now, it is sort of coming back to me. I do have to say that I always have liked to put a little sparkle with any outfit. Seeing this really cool blog, and this video on Youtube, has all gotten me to thinking again: I do really like fashion! Watching the video on Youtube, which I have posted below for you to view, made me realize that you do not need to be an expert to look trendy.

The video is about styling looks for sweaters. I have a big, dark, purple sweater that I absolutely love. This video gave me the confidence for finding some cute ways to wear it in, out, around, and everywhere I go with looking amazing. With just a few accesories and ideas, anybody can pull off any sweater.

What is Love?

What is love? That is the question I would truly like to find the answer to.

I am sure the question I am searching for an explanation to sounds childish, but currently in a state where you see everyone holding hands one minute, breaking up the next, and going back at it for more, is something everyone wants to get their hands on and figure out.

I don't quite understand why love often fulfills us, yet   breaks us in every which way.

Have you ever heard of the saying, "Love Kills Slowly?"
I am trying to figure it out. Does it mean that we love until we die? If that is the case, then it must be true because seriously, life right now is living very slowly.

A quick understanding of my thoughts about this topic, is that love itself is very corrupt. We go back and forth about love and murder. We have no voice between our own feelings. This is such a hard thing to talk about because really, we don't know how to pick a side between love and well, not love! Think about that one. We cannot even choose our own when it comes love and death. I just don't understand why love is so corrupt.

I think that we all need to be alone for a long, long time. We need to be able to be ourselves before going on and making it "both of us."

I understand that it is hard. That lust is so tempting and we want to feel complete. We do not want to feel alone. Love is all about holding hands and not ever letting go forever.

Really people? Really? Get a hold of yourselves! The only way something really gets done is if we truly do it ourselves. We do not need that huge rock in the way to make us be late or annoy us. Seriously, I thought you wanted me to go along with wanting something that is not as good as chocolate. Phew...

You almost had me going there for a second.

Anyways, love is stupid. There, I said it, and I will say it again, LOVE IS STUPID. No joke. We don't even know what it is about and we think we own the whole world already. Goodness gracious. Get real!

If only we really knew that love was, what really slows us down. It steals us. It controls our feelings, gets us overwhelmed and thinks it can get the better of us. Love makes us happy right? Nope, you're wrong. Sorry, play again! It drags us around and gets the better of us. Figure it out people. I have!

The only love I can get overwhelmed with is the love of my marvelous Father, Jesus. He is the love I am always bragging over. His love is the only one that can truly satisfy me and make me happy. I cannot do anything without him or his love.

 Jesus is the only love I can stand to live for. I make every moment of the day to dwell in it too.

Feeling his overflowing abundance is amazing and wonderful in every which way.

I encourage you to pray and receive his wonderful, rich blessing. It is truly amazing!

Obviously, the answer to the question is, Jesus! No hesitation about that!

Hurricane and My Testimony

I have been thinking about hurricane Sandy a little bit lately from watching the news and such. Everyone has been getting riled up over the whole thing, and for me, I'm sorry to say this, but I don't really care for anyone getting effected by the storm. Again, I'm sorry and I know it's very rude and disrespectful.

I have just this past weekend, gotten back on track with my walk with Christ. It has been great so far, but I have a long, long road ahead of me.  My journey has actually begun finally and I am happy that I have a major burden taken off my back. My sin and temptations had been weighing me down and I'm so glad that the chains were taken off. (Literally, I felt them come off!) Jesus can do great things.

For a while, actually a long time, I have been tempted and tried. Breaking free was what I had planned on doing so many  times. Every time I considered that option, I failed. Before I go to bed each night, I usually pray. (Sometimes I forget though.) I would ask Jesus to forgive me of my sins. Every night, I would ask him to forgive me, yet everyday, I would continue with the sin. I felt that Jesus was hurting so much, and then some days I felt I would not go to heaven. I thought God wouldn't accept me anymore for doing such a rebellious act. The most worst feeling I eventually came down to was that God did not love me anymore.

Truth be told, the devil had grabbed me, and had taken a hold of me, and for the longest time, I was letting him drag me around. On most Wednesday nights, during youth group, Pastor Walls would hit every point in my life that I needed to get a hold of and straighten with the love and kindness of my Father, Jesus. He would talk about getting rid of that last part that was still there inside that needed to be forgotten about because Jesus would forgive. I would always say to myself that I would eventually stop, but that was always the devil saying,"You will never stop, it's not that bad." My sin didn't feel that bad at all, until one day while I was in the midst of the devil's rays, I felt weak and that I could not continue doing this retched act.

It was the next day, after I felt that weak spirit set inside me, that I was at church on Sunday and Pastor Mark for once preached on something I could understand. He hit me with his words. Those words God placed inside of his message to let me hear and take into consideration. He said that whatever you have done wrong, whatever your current state, God will still love you. I asked for forgiveness from the father and quit doing my act that had caused false hurts against my will. I prayed to God, with tears in my eyes, sitting with my head in my hands at church, "God, you were always there for me, following me, ready to take me in your arms and restore me from such devious deeds. You loved me."

It's such an awesome feeling to know that God had forgiven me and he still loved me after everything I had just done. Right now, I am currently reading my Bible daily and thanking God for his constant care. Oh, how I love him!

Now, after you had read the first paragraph of this post, you were most likely thinking I was stupid because if I am a Christian, then why am I not caring for the people effected by the storm, right? Well, here's why: I was thinking of the hurricane this morning, and I was thinking to myself, God does everything for a reason. He is the one who had created the heavens and the earth and he is the one who had created this hurricane Sandy. My thoughts were that he was killing people and bringing those who were followers, to heaven. But that didn't seem accurate. Then it had hit me! God is pouring his love all over those people. I think God was telling me this, that he doesn't just create storms for grief and fear, but for all of his love and power to spread unto everyone, including the lost and those who already are one of his. Why worry, when we have his humble grace? Why worry when we have him? Why worry when he is reaching out and sharing his love?

Just like me , when I was surrounded my my storm of sin, he was there for me, spreading his arms out wide and capturing me in his love.It's just like a hurricane, capturing everything it can under water. He is there wanting to love, not to send fear or grief. I thought of this song as it fit perfect in the moment:

Oh and just to let all of you know, prayer can change a life, and God can help you through the storm.

Why worry, when he loves? P.S. God promised to never flood the earth again!